Why is it that “strong woman” is synonymous with “bitch”?

It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately while I’m writing. And though fiction has prompted the question, it’s based entirely in reality. I’m also going to preface this by saying that this post is in no way against men, because I’m surrounded by the loveliest men anyone could ever ask for. It’s just an observation made by me, a woman. Because no matter what plumbing you garner, there are issues specific to each gender. This one just happens to require a vagina…

Here’s the experiment. Tell a strong woman you know that you admire her for being a “strong woman”. Nine times out of ten her response will not be the gracious “thank you” it should be because it was a heartfelt, deserved compliment; no instead she’ll say, “Oh, so you think I’m a bitch?” I’m serious, try it. I’m speaking from experience; I’ve heard the response many times over the years from different women. My compliment always requires follow-up affirmation and explanation of my sincere intent.

Which is sad. Look around. There are so many young women, and older women for that matter, that lack the confidence, support, resources, motivation, etc. to excel in life. To be strong. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. I GET THAT. I’m 41 years old. My life has not been all sunshine and rainbows. Life is hard. Being strong is even harder. I don’t always succeed at life, at trying to be strong; but I try like hell.

Looking back at my life now, with the perspective the present provides, I have never been more thankful for the strong women that influenced, and continue to influence, me. When I was young I grew up with the most badass mom anyone could ever ask for. She was not only loving, self-sacrificing, and supportive at home. But she was a fierce, outspoken, career-oriented woman who didn’t back down from anyone. She taught me, and told me, that I could be anything I wanted to be. And I always believed her, because she led by example. Her challenges are different now, but she’s still the toughest person I know. Over the years I’ve met many women who left their mark on me. Many didn’t even know it. I’ve learned that it’s so important to surround myself with people (both men and women) that inspire and challenge me. My closest female friends all have something in common. They all have huge hearts. These are seriously some of the nicest people on the entire planet. They are always there for me when I need them. They are all driven-when they set their minds to do something you’d better just get out of their way. Their determination is intense. They know exactly who they are and they don’t apologize for it. And they don’t take shit from anyone.

So, to Mom, Deb, Robin, Barb, Andi, and all of the other women in my life who are fighting the good fight that is life (and kicking its ass), thank you for being so strong. Because you make me strong. I love you for it. (Don’t you dare ask me if I think you’re a bitch.) 😉

I was going to lead into this topic with the title “Writing Advice”, but that seems pretentious and presumptive and I don’t feel qualified to accept that kind of responsibility. So, I’m just going to share what works for me. I’m also going to preface this by saying: Don’t be too critical of yourself or over analyze. When you let go of self-judgment and expectations, wonderful things happen. I hope this helps…

1. Get it out. Just write. Put everything in your head on paper. You’ll go back and change it later, but at least you have a skeleton to build upon. It doesn’t have to be perfect. (Easier said than done.)

2. Reread and edit. Grammatical changes are easy (unless you’re challenged like me in the comma department, which makes editors mystical, miraculous creatures.) I edit for content in my head constantly. My cup holder in my car, my purse, my table at home are all littered with sticky notes, scraps of paper, and old receipts with words or phrases jotted on them. Inspiration strikes at odd times, but it’s usually those random flashes that add detail to your story, the small things that add life.

3. Your editor is your best friend (like I said before they’re mystical and miraculous), but your best friends are also your best friend. Let them read through and offer feedback on content. They offer a different perspective than your editor.

4. Final edit-work closely with and trust your editor.

5. Publish. Let go. Because let’s face it you can edit a book to death and it will never, ever be perfect. There comes a point when your heart tells you it’s done. Listen. Because at that point it is…done. Trust yourself and share it with the world, which incidentally is the scariest part. But you know what? People are incredibly kind and encouraging. And judgment in reality is never as harsh as it is in your own head.

Good luck writing!

I’ve had this gigantic THANK YOU building inside me for the past few weeks and I need to get it out before I explode. The fallout from that kind of gratitude induced detonation would be massive (and I want to remain intact), so here goes … I finished writing my second book late last year and am now working through re-writes and edits. This is the phase of the game where I defer to the experts. Lucky for me I was able to enlist the aid of four crazy smart, crazy talented, crazy kind people (with surprisingly very little bribery or coercion) to help prevent me from sounding like a dummy. 
THANK YOU to Monica Parpal, my editor, for your initial read through and analysis. Your feedback is, as always, invaluable.
THANK YOU to my sister, Tammy Johnson, and my new friend Dr. John Okerbloom for answering my MANY medical related questions. Your patience is saint-like. Both of you. I mean it. Saint. Like. Thanks for lending me your smarts and knowledge.
And THANK YOU to Kody Templeman for reading through all of the music related bits of the story and giving it your stamp of approval. You know we love Teenage Bottlerocket – you have all my respect, my talented friend.
I guess to sum things up I’m not feeling worthy, but I am SO VERY thankful to these generous people for lending their expertise, in spite of their very busy lives, to my little project. You are the best!

So I am WAY late to the Facebook party, but I made it. *phew* Come find me there. We’ll hang out. It’ll be fun. 🙂

The All of It Goodreads giveaway wrapped up at midnight with 826 entries! I am feelin’ the love and wish I had a 826 copies to give away. Congrats to the winners Clare and Shantel!!

All of It eBook versions for Kindle and Nook only $.99 until Feb. 7th!!

http://www.amazon.com/All-It-Kim-Holden/dp/0991140214/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391204843&sr=8-1&keywords=kim+holden

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/all-of-it-kim-holden/1117653303?ean=9780991140213

I read the adorable Meant to Be by Lauren Morrill this week. So, so, so cute! I really liked Jason because I felt like I knew him in high school. Well done Lauren!

And this week I’ve been listening to Haim, 1975, Teenage Bottlerocket, and Baroness.

It’s been a fantastic week! How about you??